HopeFul Reflections

The verse for today is Isaiah 54:17:

“No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgement thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is of me, saith the Lord. “

The verse and the chapter, which I highly recommend reading, paints a picture of assurance that the Lord is with us. If the verse were a painting the rest of the chapter is an exhibit providing words of comfort to many of the anxieties one may have about this life no matter your age. Though we are sure to have enemies we can always know that God is with us as we face them.

The verse resonates with me because of recent troubles in my life. They’ve caused me to reflect on my approach to how I face an issue. Of course, like anyone else, there are always problems in one’s life. I do not claim my problems are any greater than anyone else’s, but they are mine and all I know. Thinking back on my youth, I’ve always been timid, yet foolish enough to run toward my problems. As I became older and marginally wiser, I became more cautious. Cautious to the point of immobilization. I’d be stuck in thought and forego plans and action. It felt safer that way. “What’s wrong with me?” I’d wonder. “Why won’t I just do the things I need to do? Why do I have to be so useless?”. I hated what the fear had made me.

I hated my laziness, my cowardice, my excuses, my indecisiveness, and how I couldn’t recognize who I was anymore. I didn’t like the person I had become because I judged others who had these qualities harshly and because I still had people that needed me and I was letting them down. I needed to change, and this required reflection and searching. I needed the reflection to know what my issue was and the scripture to find the answers. I honestly sat down alone, with zero distractions, and thought for hours for many days these past two years. I needed to be honest with myself and that’s hard, but that’s ok because it’s necessary and you can do so with love. In looking at myself I realized I wasn’t a bad person I was just entirely brought down by fear and loss. In looking to scripture I’d found direction and courage.

To make it brief, I understood finally and internalized that with the Lord as my Shepherd I knew I would be safe. Furthermore I remembered, that the times when I was least afraid were when I was called to action for a greater purpose. Acting for myself felt so fruitless, but any time I’d been able to act as a Christian in my personal life or in serving others I knew my actions had meaning. What I understood was that my actions were necessary because they were called for all throughout scripture. I am called to be a good steward over this Earth and to love my neighbor. I am able to use my talents to serve others and glorify God as mentioned in my previous post. That’s all that is required of me and again it is necessary that I perform these tasks.

I have always been afraid, it’s my nature, but under the Lord’s protection I shall move forward. I feel lonely at times, but I am never truly alone. My actions no matter how small, matter because of the Lord. This has saved me from years of hopelessness, and feeling unneeded. This has made the difference that has allowed me to live my life rather than view it as a passive bystander. This is the reason I feel free.

Spoiler: Next post will be about finding a place to fit in and figuring out what I am called to do.

I wish you all the best and I’ll be praying for you. Whatever you problems you got this.

-James