HopeFul Reflections

Hello everyone. I hope the holiday season has been treating you well. Today I wanted to talk about something I’ve been reflecting on. I am a first year internal medicine resident. I am incredibly lucky to be in this position. God has allowed me the opportunity to train as a doctor so I may serve others through medicine. However, I like many other residents will admit that training is difficult and more than that, stressful.

The work is honestly not too hard, but the weight of the responsibility can be overwhelming. The gravity of being trusted with the wellbeing of another even when you are doing everything you are supposed to do can be a lot at times. You wonder if you’re doing enough, if you’ll be brave when the time calls for it, and when multiple urgent situations call for your attention if you’ll be able to handle them appropriately.

Time and study help fix all these worries, but I have been so lucky to have certain pillars in my life and I wish I had done better with certain things which I will discuss below.

Faith

My faith has given me much strength during training. I pray twice a day: once in the morning and once at night. The morning prayer gave me confidence to handle the day and it is the time when I would pray that I would be enough for my patients. The nightly prayer was when I reflected on the day and hoped to be better the next day. I learned to be kind to myself and accept that I was not going to be like the doctors I looked up to on my first days, but everyone starts somewhere. Knowing that God was watching over me helped me overcome my fear and enter the hospital feeling supported.

My Girlfriend

I’ve been so lucky to have a kind, thoughtful, loving, patient, and understanding girlfriend who has been such an amazing pillar of support during my training. Maintaining a relationship can be difficult during training due to the time requirements of training. However, I was lucky enough to find someone who understands. I called her everyday after work, and the calls always made me feel better. Just being able to express that an experience is stressful means a lot and I’m immensely grateful.

Family

Even if I act annoyed that my family called me almost every day to check on me I really am grateful they care enough to check in on me. On days they didn’t call and when I was feeling overwhelmed I made sure to call them and it really helped me decompress. Even if I am grown, a call to mom is still a pretty good remedy for a rainy day. A visit from dad is still as reassuring as it was when I was a kid.

Friends

Being a resident now means that I was once a medical student and that means I have other resident friends, even if they are at other institutions. These were people who understood the hectic schedules, the intense fears, and the high expectations. It was a task in itself to find a time to converse with them, but when you can it helps so much to know you’re not alone. It can also be nice to reminisce about being a student again and to talk about the future you all are looking forward to as attendings.

Hobbies

I like to keep many hobbies and one of my main hobbies is lifting. I had put this on hold during the beginning of training because I didn’t think I had the time, but I wish I had kept going even if infrequently because it was an important outlet for me all through medical school. Outside of lifting I love to sing and even if I am not performing, I love being able to sing my emotions when I am going through a difficult time. This was also something I wish I had done more of during the early months of training. If you have a hobby I really hope you try to maintain it, even if infrequently.

Health

Sleep is important and everyone knows it. However, getting enough is a tremendous task. I had to set up a bedtime that I forced myself to adhere to and I am so glad I did because I was rested and this helped me deal with the work. It also helped me regulate my mood to be able to handle the stress. Finding meals that were simple to cook and carry with me was also important but it took me a while to figure this out unfortunately. On top of this, making sure to check in on my mood was incredibly important. The way this looked for me was writing in a journal which is something I have done ever since medical school.

Residency is tough and I am still making my way through it. I hope everyday that I am enough for my patients and that I am an asset to my team who have always been wonderful. I’ve learned to be kind to myself and learned that we all get better. The skill will come, but it’s important to take care of yourself as well. In dealing with the responsibilities I utilized the support of my faith, my family, my girlfriend, and tried to keep regularity in my life. I wish I had focused more on taking care of myself, but I’ve learned to do this better now. I hope you do the same.

-JKG